This weekend is cold and rainy and perfect for recuperating from a hellish five day coughing extravaganza. While I overdosed on honey and cough drops, Huck was in tech week, its own kind of hell. He and fellow Scotch ‘n Soda non-major thespians opened and closed “Carrie” in just a little over 24 hours, followed by strike until 4am to take everything down and put everything away. While Huck was having the time of his life (both the best and the worst of), Troy and I relaxed in front of the fire and watched home movies from yesteryear. In one of these Huck is a pudgy, overly talkative 2-1/2 year old building sand apartments with me along the Hudson River in black and white. Troy, the master at editing these movies, underscored the whole thing with Coldplay’s “Fix You,” a melancholy song for such a sweet, mundane afternoon in our family’s life.

But now I understand what he was going for. We parents (and especially we moms) spend so many years fixing things for our children, because that’s our job for so long, and we don’t know when we’re supposed to stop. Or pretend to stop while still being ever ready with a Bandaid, a care package, an ear. Huck began his overwhelming week by texting me he was feeling sick and sleep deprived. Oh how I wanted to rush to his side with a basket of remedies and all his favorite foods. Instead I waited for his updates and sent encouraging emojis, constantly worrying about him while trying to keep my lungs from collapsing. On opening night, we FaceTimed as he put on his stage makeup and gossiped, complained, and described his favorite parts of the show. I don’t know about him, but I felt a little fixed.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can’t replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above, or down below

When you’re too in love to let it go

But if you never try, you’ll never know

Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face, and I

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you.

(Coldplay)