A few weeks ago one of my 5th grade students raised his hand and asked, “How’d you get the scar?” I had that feeling rush over me that you get sometimes when you think, “Do I have blueberries in between my front teeth?” or “Did I not put on pants today?” as I tilted my head and quietly asked, “Scar?”  A much sweeter student said, “It’s just a crease on her forehead,” as she shot him a look. After the most awkward silence any of those ten year olds ever heard, I proclaimed with a good-natured laugh, “Old age! Not a scar. OLD AGE!” I spent the rest of the day checking the mirror to see what they saw, and after briefly contemplating Botox (at least for my bitmoji) I decided maybe my daily frustration with that boy has resulted in too much brow furrowing. I prefer my laughter wrinkles.

The other day while wrangling some pretty hyper four year old Strong Men in our pre-K Circus Play, one of them jumped up unexpectedly and hit my chin with his hard little head, causing my mouth to fill with blood.  I ran to the school nurse as if I too was four, and she confirmed that my lip was split pretty deeply but would hopefully heal in moments. The bleeding finally stopped, my lip became swollen as if recently injected with collagen, and I spent the afternoon dwelling on how tense my jaw (and soul) was when trying to control those little ones.

My little one isn’t so little anymore.  A few weeks from his 12th birthday, in three more inches we’ll be exactly eye to eye. He told me the other day while trying to chew food, “I’m down to 18 teeth,” which explains why his grown up face is starting to look like a toddler again when he smiles. This Valentine’s morning our toothless boy gave us a homemade card that said “Three Way Love” with a heart and our three names, along with lots of drawings of things that traditionally have two things (like eyes) that now have three. He then gave his hand a Sharpie tattoo of a three humped heart.

Sometimes the best lesson in parenthood (and teacherhood) is knowing when not to laugh (and cry) out loud.