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There are many ways one can receive the Mother of the Year Award, and I’d like to share my most recent achievement. 
The other day Huck looked at me with that look that says “I’m exploring something here that might make for an uncomfortable mother/son conversation.” And then he asked me how many bad s-words I thought there were. Troy and I have always had an honesty policy with Huck, which we almost always regret later like when he was three and often spoke very loudly in public about vaginas. And so figuring he was referring to that famous SH word I decided to start there. I told him how that was the main one, and that it was really just a word for poop but that people use it in other ways and so it’s turned into a bad word. Somewhere into the third minute of my fine motherly monologue he said, “Because I was thinking of two.” Then he quietly whispered “stupid,” followed by, “and Kimberly says the really main one is the one with UP in it.” I paused. “Oh.” And then I casually added while nodding a little too vigorously, “You mean shutup ?” Looking very guilty and naughty he said, “Yes.”
Right, right. He just turned seven. Stupid and shutup are the bad s-words. Well, now he knows “shit,” thanks to his ever loving mother.
Oh Darling Janelle. That was my first cuss word! It was my mother’s favorite because it was so versatile. In fact, John Carlin did a joke about that self same fact. I vividly remember my twelve year old self sitting on my back porch with my sister and looking furtively over my shoulder before I said the word under my breath. Then I just smiled a big, well, shit-eating grin because I had just grown up a little bit.
Ha! Way to go, MOTY! I remember Noah went through the whole alphabet around that age with words like “dumb” “stupid” “heck.” Nathan and I tried not to smile. He looked so guilty!
And don’t forget Golly! (Oh My Golly)
LOL. Right now, as I try to type.
But let’s not forget, our darling boy knows the f-word, too. He’s certainly heard it enough on the streets of this naughty little town. And we even have video of the first time he ever said it as a fun rhyming word with his name.
HAHAHAHA!!! Delightful. I forgot about that “rhymes with Huck” video. Love this.
JANELLE, You write such darling stories. THANKS FOR SHARING. And compared to your own mother, you are a saint. Remember when Jeni was starting to talk. We were all so proud of her. So I taught her to say the Sh word. She greeted her dad with “shit, shit shit.” I remember wanting to tell your dad that Janelle taught her the word.
LOve,
Your mom
Amelia, too, lives a life sheltered from cable television and commercial radio. She tries to sneak in while I attempt at watching a Miss Marple from time-to-time, but is rarely successful. She is still at an age where she doesn’t really care a fig about what others are discussing along the lines of Dora or whatever monstrosity is being offered up by the likes of Nickelodeon or Disney, which I will loudly applaud and encourage as long as I can get away with it. I dread the moment to arrive. The other morning an older child saw Amelia with a stick and asked if she was Harry Potter. “Who’s that?” she asked. “What? You don’t know who Harry Potter is?” “No.” The child turned to me and asked why she didn’t know. I responded that it was not age appropriate for her to know about Harry Potter. “Yeah, but everyone knows about Harry Potter!!” “Well, she does not. Do you know who Bilbo Baggins is?” I asked. “No.” he replied. “Well, maybe you should. But I’m not going to tease you about not knowing who he is – he’s a Hobbit, by-the-way and I suggest you read his story. It’s a very good one”. I sense that this day is going to arrive sooner than I should like, but arrive it surely will as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. A moment’s pause for a sigh…thank you.
I’ve, also, learned that what I think is not always what my ever-so-naughty looking child might be thinking. I’ve learned to wait and hear what she has to say rather than letting her know what I think first. Lesson’s learned the hard way – as most of the lessons remembered are. This has not won me any awards – yet, but I live in hope. Her current favorite naughty S-word is “Stupid” which she is not allowed to use unless it’s absolutely necessary, like when the weasels are scheming to oust Badger out of his home in the wild woods or plotting to remove Toady from Toad-hall. These are moments in which she looks over at me with conspiratorially knowing eyes and request permission to use the favorite S-word to describe those weasels. (“Mummy, you have to let me say this, please, without getting into trouble!”) as she shakes her fist and says, “those stupid weasels” through gritted teeth. Oh the thrill to let sound such a naughty, naughty word!
So, be brave MOTY and buyer of Kidz Bop!, and know that he may have a new word in his vocabulary, but it will be later when he pulls it out for use in his arsenal because for now the worst you can be told is that you’re Stoo-pid and to Shut-up!
(P.S. if you have not discovered “Wind in the Willows” on DVD/netflix you might check them out.)